We Had a Really Hispanic Time, Thank You!

New Blog!

2009-03-28T15:50:00.004-04:00

On the advice of a wise friend, I've decided to start a Caption This!-only blog. Part of the reason I ended Hispanic Time is...well, lots of reasons, but one of the main ones was simple burn out. I have pared my internet time down quite a bit over the months, but I want to pare it down more. I LOVED Hispanic Time but I just didn't care about it anymore, and I've been wanting to do something different for a while anyway. By starting a Caption This!-only blog, I'm able to still blog and stay connected with my friends, but I only have to tend to it once or twice a week, max. HUZZAH! So I invite all of you to join me at the new blog, SHEET CAKE & BACK FAT (click that link to go to the new blog.) It won't be the same as Hispanic Time (otherwise I'd just keep doing Hispanic Time, right?) but it should be tons of fun. And don't let your inhibitions prevent you from joining in - I SUCK at captions, but I still have fun doing them, and I want you to, as well! Hope to see you there!

P.S. EL B - GET YER ARSE OVER THERE, PRONTO... ;)

See Ya

2009-03-10T21:32:00.004-04:00

I won't be posting anymore, but I'm not deleting the blog because there are people who look for deleted blogs, take them over & slap ads on them. Screw those guys. ;)

It's been a lot of fun. Take it easy. :)

I Love Andy's Parties

2009-03-08T11:55:00.001-04:00

I watched two videos this weekend that made me laugh. I couldn't decide which one to post, so I'm posting both. I don't usually like to do that; I don't like how two videos stacked on top of each other looks. Then I realized the global recession is, in reality, a depression, three more Canadian soldiers just came home from Afghanistan in boxes, there's genodice, rape, infanticide the world over; perhaps two videos on top of each other really isn't that big of a deal. It's called perspective. I suppose it means I'm maturing.

The first video is not really a laugh out loud video, but it's really funny, and stars two of my favourite people, H. Jon Benjamin (whom you all know I love since I've talked about him many many times) and Todd Barry. Aimee Mann turns up, too. She isn't one of my favourite people, but I like her, so it's fine.

The second video is a laugh out loud video; at least I laughed out loud, a lot. I was taking my vitamins when Jemaine said "I'm Brian" and I almost choked on them. Is that irony? Taking a pill that's supposed to make you healthy and then dying because you choked on said supposed healthy pill? I think it might be...Anyway there are countless songs out there with my name in the title; this is now my favourite (sorry, Donovan!)

While I'm on the topic of videos I watched this weekend, I also saw this one. I've never ever watched Jackass; the few clips I've seen are insanely stupid, it's just not something I find funny at all. So I have never seen this, nor have I ever heard about it, and it was only after a google search that I even realized it was a Jackass prank (well, it's very obvious that it's a jackass prank, but I think you know what I mean.) All I can say is there are a number of men I'd do before Brad Pitt - he's on my list, don't get me wrong, he's just not at the top - but goddamn that man is hot. The way he says "abducted" gets me all hot. It's better not to think about that too much, I think...

I mean I've certainly been at the airport before and I've been in a stall whether to, you know, take a steaming dump or a raging piss, but I, I never thought about using it as a place to bust a nut.

I still walk a lot but I'm not eating as many sandwiches as back then...

Caption This!

2009-03-08T11:41:00.001-04:00

Elastic Man was always my favorite superhero. Now you know why... - Prico

I'm a mean green mother
from outer space
and I'm hung!!! - Prico

I always wondered why Kato never left the Green Hornet... - Prico

GO AWAY YOU GODDAMN LOCH NESS MONSTER! - Jamie

Tree-fitty! - Prico

Puff the magic penis lived by the sea . . . - Brunhilda

Meet The Energizer Man: He keeps growing and growing and... - Kermit

Since the construction trades are down, Mike knew that he'd have to employ gimmicky advertising at the local trade builders association convention. He rebranded himself with a catchy new mascot and tagline... "Mike's Plumbing... My Snake Will Unclog Your Can!" - Kermit

Swamp Thing, you make my cooter sting.
Swamp Thing, I think I love you. - Kermit

Caption This!

Are You There, God? It's Me, Jennifer Margaret...

2009-03-04T10:51:00.003-05:00

WHAT WOULD YOUR MESSAGE BE?

Leave God a message at his Dutch answering service

AMSTERDAM (Reuters Life!) - God is taking calls.

Dutch artist Johan van der Dong has set up a local telephone number in the Netherlands, where he urges people to leave messages for God on his answering machine.

Van der Dong said he set up the number to give people an opportunity to take pause and contemplate life.

"Like praying, leaving a voicemail message is a way to organize your thoughts," he said. "It's a perfect combination for some contemplation."

Callers dialing 06-4424-4901 (or +316-4424-4901 if calling from outside the Netherlands) from March 7 will hear.

"Hi, you are speaking to God. I'm not in right now so leave a message after the beep."

(source)

"Let's Enjoy it While it Lasts"

2009-03-04T10:32:00.004-05:00

Never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually glad that her opening night was a success, I really am. After the crap past couple of years and the fact that I 100% believe she is being pushed into this way too early because her clan can't let their meal ticket slow down, I'm happy that this opening night was a good one. Having said that, this photo...it's killing me...(click to enlarge)

Caption This!

2009-03-04T08:42:00.000-05:00

It's not what you think - it's just an eye wash station. - me

Woman gives birth in new Benjamin Button case. - Ros

I'm... so... very... confused...I can't even come up with something witty to say... - Theresa (I know it's not a caption but it fits! LOL)

" Wheres the tent? Shit! " - El B

" HALLO, Hallo, hallo...yep Chantelle, you have a large twat! " - El B

" Mummy, mummy, i want to go home, the world is too scarey!!! " - El B

Give me one more minute guys, nearly inflated! - El B

Liquor in the front, Poker in the back. - Prico

When Jim Bob told Jenny they were gonna eat out, this is not what she envisioned... - Prico

Is this what they call "al fresco"? - Prico

"Suck the Ping Pong Ball Out Of The Ho" was the most popular game at the carnival. - Prico

He's certified in cooch to mouth resucitation. - Prico

This should be an inspirational poster:

CUNNILINGUS

Not everyone can afford an engagement ring. - Prico

Annie? Annie??? Queef once if you can hear me! - Prico

Trailer for "Invasion of the Body Snatchers 4" - Prico

Love American Carnie Style. - Kermit

CPR: Cooter Pulse Resuscitation - Kermit

And that, kids, was the day I was made. - Kermit

When Jackie Joe's snake bit Charlena, Timmy Tom was quick to suck the venom out of the gash. - Kermit

The Orange County Fair, sponsored by Roofies. When No is a definite Maybe! - Kermit

WHOA! Thank God you were there when I tripped, otherwise I would've smacked my face on the ground! - Prico

Take that puss out of your face! - Prico

It's not a tumor! - Kermit

Step right up! Step right up! Come see the Elepussy Man!!! - Kermit

Octomom gives birth to full grown man! - Prico

I feel the earth move under my... Nah. It's just the ants coming to the pussinic. - Kermit

Caption This!

Blind Item Reveal

2009-03-03T14:28:00.003-05:00

I knew it! I knew this one, I called it almost immediately. Unfortunately, I didn't call it PUBLICLY. But trust me when I say I CALLED THIS! Swears.

Today Lainey posted a link to a story about possible problems in Mark Wahlberg's relationship and said this: "Did he find out?"

The original blind item:

Karmic cuckold?
He’d been cheating on her for years. She had his babies, she endured the other women, she let him back in the door every time he ran away, only to come slinking back with apologies.

For a while now though he has stayed at home. More mature, done with that life, he’s now completely committed to her, ready to take the next step…

Problem?

It’s her turn to be unfaithful. And not only with a random but with someone he knows. More importantly, someone he trusts. Worse – it’s no secret. They’re all aware, all around them, except for him. And everyone is bracing for drama. Because what started as a purely physical affair has turned into one sided love. The other man wants more, is willing to fight for it, putting her in the middle. He’s threatening to blow it all wide open, she’s begging him to calm down, but he’s pressuring her to come clean.

She wants to say with the father of her children who is oblivious to it all but who they say will surely take off immediately when and if he finds out. Love double standards!
(original post)

TOTALLY Wahlberg.

Oooh, 15 Inch Carpet Pounders...

2009-03-02T14:37:00.006-05:00

New England, honey, just relax, maybe have a glass of wine. If you're tense it's gonna hurt more...

Snow storm carpets US east coast

Winter storm pounds East Coast

Snowstorm targets East Coast; New England braces for 15 inches

Snow Storm Pummels Washington Region

Gone to Settle the Score

2009-03-01T00:19:00.001-05:00

This is my absolute favourite Ash song, and until tonight I had not heard it in ages (this would be my second; an obvious choice, I know, but who cares. Hey, while we're at it, here's my third. I really like this one, too. Basically I really like this album.) This song makes me soooooo hyper. One time about 12 years ago I was in my car in a parking lot with a friend, and even though we were kinda in a hurry I couldn't pull out (*snicker*) until this song was over because I knew I'd be jumping around too much and that's not a good idea when you're driving. Things haven't changed; I'm totally bouncing like mad as I type this. But luckily I'm in a safe, pedestrian-free apartment, so it's OK.

How I Spent My Saturday

2009-03-01T00:15:00.003-05:00

This billboard is all around the city and it never fails to creep me the fuck out:

And just in case that doesn't creep you out, here's a close up:

Nothing says "Black History Month" like a crude painting of President and First Lady Obama on a restaurant window:

Speaking of Obama and things that are all around the city, this is a very common sight these days. Stores are full of them. This store however has taken it a step further and printed them on neon t-shirts. Look people, I know we're all happy the Americans did the right thing and elected Obama, and I'm a big fan of brightly coloured shirts, but really now, it's getting out of control!

Oh, and don't forget to get your St. Paddy's day shirts printed up!

Finally, my favourite purchase of the day. I know hipster irony is a little played out, but at $4.99 how could I pass this up?!

Caption This!

2009-03-01T00:13:00.001-05:00

That's the biggest crap I've ever seen!!!!!!!! - me

Marge took a break from her coast to coast delivery to take in the P-Town sun. - Kermit

That poor child collapsed after seeing his ass lips munching on that thong. Some things are just not meant for children's eyes... - Prico

His dingleberries are in the shape of Baby Jesus!!! Holy assholes!! - El B

Seriously ? Another ' Lethal Weapon ? '
Lethal Weapon 5- ' Does my ass look big in this thong ? ' - El B

Mickey Rourke had a weave made out of Loki? That is sick ! - El B

Caption This!

Throw Another Twat on the Pile

2009-02-27T16:03:00.004-05:00

It wouldn't have occurred to me to post this until I read this part:

Grose said he didn't mean to offend anyone and claimed he was unaware of the racial stereotype linking black people with eating watermelons.

Then WHY DID YOU SEND THE EMAIL, YOU TWAT? You mean you didn't intend to share a "joke" with some friends? You really thought there was no easter egg hunt this year because of the surprise growth of watermelons on the lawn??? You thought this was some sort of phenomena like aurora borealis or the Virgin Mary appearing on a piece of toast?

Mayor who sent watermelon e-mail says he'll resign

LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. – The mayor of a small Southern California city says he will resign after being criticized for sharing an e-mail picture depicting the White House lawn planted with watermelons under the title "No Easter egg hunt this year."

Los Alamitos Mayor Dean Grose issued a statement Thursday saying he is sorry and will step down as mayor at Monday's City Council meeting.

Grose came under fire for sending the picture to what he called "a small group of friends." One of the recipients, a local businesswoman and city volunteer, publicly scolded the mayor for his actions.

Grose says he accepts that the e-mail was in poor taste and has affected his ability to lead the city. Grose said he didn't mean to offend anyone and claimed he was unaware of the racial stereotype linking black people with eating watermelons.

Located in Orange County, Los Alamitos is a 2 1/4-square-mile city of around 12,000 people.

(source)

Can it Be?

2009-02-26T13:12:00.005-05:00

Did Cera finally realize he'd be nothing without Arrested Development and decide to do the right thing? According to Jeffrey Tambor, YES! HUZZAH! *still wary, burned before*...

Cera caves; full cast in for Arrested Development movie

Michael Cera, the final piece of the “Arrested Development” movie puzzle, has agreed to star in the film, E! Online reported yesterday. cont'd

R.I.P. Wendy Richard

2009-02-26T13:05:00.002-05:00

‘EastEnders’ Star Wendy Richard Dies of Cancer at 65

Actress Wendy Richard, who starred as matriarch Pauline Fowler in the British Broadcasting Corp.’s soap opera “EastEnders” and was in the sitcom “Are You Being Served?”, died early today in London. She was 65.

Richard, who was in the soap for 21 years before leaving in 2006, had been battling breast cancer and died at the Harley Street Clinic with her husband, John Burns, by her side, her agent, Kevin Francis, said in a telephone interview.

“She was incredibly brave and retained her sense of humor to the end,” Francis said.

Richard, born Wendy Emerton in the northeastern English city of Middlesbrough, appeared in some of the best-known U.K. television comedy shows, including “The Likely Lads,” “Dad’s Army” and “On the Buses.” She also featured with Sid James in the “Carry On” films.

In the BBC’s “Are You Being Served?”, which ran from 1973 to 1985, she played department-store sales assistant Shirley Brahms, a role that won her fans around the world.

“She was the daughter I never had, and I shall never stop missing her,” said actress Mollie Sugden, who appeared as Mrs. Betty Slocombe alongside Richard in “Are You Being Served.” cont'd

Autistic Son Charged in Death of Professor in Ohio

2009-02-25T11:00:00.002-05:00

This is truly a horrible, sad story. And I am really going to hell for laughing so hard (GUESS WHY.)

Caption This!

2009-02-25T08:51:00.001-05:00

The sad end to juvenile fantasies. - Ros

After the holocaust, only cockroaches and Pam Anderson will remain... - Prico

Carol Channing's not looking very hot these days. - Prico

Our landfills are filling up... Please help out by recycling your porn. Behind every corner there's a man, woman or child hungry for porn. Don't let your porn go to waste... give the gift that keeps on giving... porn.

Make a difference in this world by reducing your carbon footprint and providing porn for future generations. Because life without porn is a sad life. So do the right thing, lend a hand for porn. The left one, the right one, it doesn't matter in the end. Especially in the end. - Prico

Rats? Rats? Couldnt you have warned me before i stuck my dick in it? - El B

Ssssssssssssssss, did you just fart? - El B

Jesus! Told you not to sing Country and Western in Compton Jessica. - El B

Britney 2062- " Please, someone, push me to Starbucks, pleeeeaaaassseeee!!!! " - El B

What happened to Dolly Parton? - Jennifer

Like a snake, Madonna sheds her skin every 5 years. - Prico

Caption This!

Don't Bitch to ME About it...

2009-02-24T12:09:00.003-05:00

Bitch to THESE PEOPLE.

via Rifftrax Blog

I Wanna Retire From Being a Funny Guy

2009-02-23T10:31:00.009-05:00

Every year I say I can't be bothered watching the Oscars, and every year I end up watching them. Last night was no different. Well, I didn't watch it all the way through, I had a DVD on & flipped back periodically, but of course once I flipped back I'd stay there for a bit. Overall I thought it was pretty good. I LOVED Hugh Jackman's opening bit, it was fantastic. And although at times it got a little too gushy for my taste, I really liked the format they used for presenting Best Actor/Actress & Supporting Actor/Actress, I thought that was neat. No big surprises in any of the categories; everyone who won was expected to win, no biggies there, but I gotta say I am thrilled Kate finally has her Oscar. She's one of the best actresses ever, not just currently, but ever, so it was great to see her get it, though I'm sure there will be many more to come. I liked some of the fashion, I thought Angelina looked beautiful - I loved loved loved the black with the green earrings, that was gorgeous (and this isn't because I'm biased or anything, generally I think her dress choices are boring.) My other favourites were Marion Cotillard (oh my GOD that girl is sensational) and Amy Adams. I wasn't a huge fan of Amy's dress but everything pulled together beautifully and she's so beautiful that she can make anything work. I thought Anne Hathaway was sweet but someone needs to get her some Zoloft. I thought Beyonce was...well, she was Beyonce. Girl is beautiful but can't dress for shit. Heath winning the Best Supporting Oscar was no surprise but I still cried, as did many of the celebs in the crowd, I noticed. But my favourite, favourite part of the whole night was - what else could it be? Ben Stiller as Joaquin Phoenix. When he wandered off as the nominees were being played on the screen...I'm still crying...

Please Play a Song for Anyone, Play it Like it Was the Only One...

2009-02-22T00:16:00.002-05:00

feb15ish

Fun Site Alert

2009-02-22T00:15:00.003-05:00

Thanks to my friend Chris, I am now totally obsessed with photofunia.com...

Caption This!

2009-02-22T00:14:00.001-05:00

Grandma, I know you won the Miss Phuket pageant in 1912, but seriously, nobody remembers... - Prico

Now that you've lead your team to win the championship and the cup, and you've also won the MVP trophy, what are you going to do?

I'M GOING TO PHUKET!!! - Prico

You'll love Thailand. If you don't... Phuket. - Prico

Edward James Olmos, in a groundbreaking role, exposing the dark world of Asian beauty pageants... - Prico

What the sash should say is 'Miss Senior Phuket' - but that had too many letters! - Ros

Caption This!

I'm Not in This Scene...

2009-02-20T08:47:00.004-05:00

Have a great weekend, everybody! And if you have time, enjoy one of the best MST3K episodes ever, The Leech Woman. It's actually not a bad movie, and the lead actress, Coleen Gray, is actually a very good actress. But it's still very MST3K-worthy, as you will see (real Africa...Hollywood Africa!!!) Happy Friday!

And Now For Something Lighter...

2009-02-19T17:50:00.005-05:00

In contrast to the anger that led to the rant below, this made me howl with laughter. Well, maybe not howl, that would be kind of odd, but it did make me laugh a lot. Normally I'd try to avoid this douchebag as much as possible, but as I say...a lot.

A LOT.

From Lainey:
John on Jolie before Jen
...thanks to Noelle for this delicious little blast from the past. A John Mayer interview with Rolling Stone during which he discusses blow-job thought patterns:

"Everyone thinks Brad Pitt has it great because he married Angelina Jolie. I think he has it terrible, because when Angelina Jolie is giving you a blow job, what do you tip your head back and think of to help you finish? You have nothing left — just Jesus on a polar bear in the middle of the snow, saying, 'You greedy mother-cker, I've got nothing for you.'"

So basically, the Jolie is the hottest woman alive and you can’t fantasise beyond that so it’s better to settle with someone who gives you a little room at the top to dream about…? Is this the message?

Someone needs to revisit this with John Mayer. Preferably on Oscar night.

I would ask him but it’s too long of a question to shout down from a balcony. Maybe I’ll make a sign.

A LOT.

Anyone Else Find This as Incredibly Offensive as I Do?

2009-02-19T17:24:00.007-05:00

Jamie did a good post about the Jessica Simpson weight gain bullshit, bullshit I just could not get involved in at the time for fear of releasing so much rage onto blogger.com that it would burn down. I'm still staying out of it for the most part, but I can't get over this latest bit:

Jessica Simpson Offered Lifetime Membership to Hollywood Weight Loss Spa

It’s no secret that Jessica Simpson ’s weight has gone up and down considerably over the years, but now the starlet has no excuse for any more fluctuations. The songstress was offered a lifetime membership (complete with personal consultations with doctors and trainers) to L.A.’s swanky star-studded FBE Holistic Health & Fitness, valued at a cool $21,600 per year.

The center’s in-house doctor, Ken Best, already designed a program for Jessica which involves limiting "inflammatory" foods such as bread, gluten, cheese and alcohol and a strict ratio of protein to carbs that he says will enable her to shed around 10 lbs. in the first 10 days. She was also offered an unlimited run of detoxing equipment like the Infrared Sauna and Air Therapy Machine and was advised by Best to take a leaf out of Madonna’s buff-bod book and get on the Whole Body Vibration Machine (we hear Madge has the pricey little device in her private home.)

However, Jessica declined the offer, and according to insiders, Miss Simpson’s body change is just an sign that she’s content and in love. cont'd

You know what, FBE Holistic Health & Fitness and Ken Best? GO FUCK YOURSELVES. You may think you're doing something helpful and kind, but...actually, you know what? You have no illusions as to what you're doing. You know damn well this will get you press, you don't actually believe you're extending a helping hand to Jessica Simpson at all. No, you're being just as cruel as everyone else. I'm glad you got some free publicity for no other reason except tearing down a human being, you pieces of shit.

Coolest. Baby. Ever.

2009-02-18T13:43:00.007-05:00

Not even these insanely adorable pictures of Shiloh and Zahara Jolie-Pitt got me as girly as this one. You guys know how much I love M.I.A. Mini M.I.A. is so gonna be the coolest baby of the bunch.

(source)

And because I'll take any excuse to post M.I.A......

The Turn - M.I.A.

Caption This!

2009-02-17T22:25:00.001-05:00

You know, it's not a bad idea to tattoo a person's IQ on their face... - me

"Drug Free" is obviously just an expression here... - me

The odd couple is an under freaking statement here. - Brunhilda

It took me a whole 3 minutes to notice the face tattoos. That quacker factory sweater sure is distracting... - Prico

Aryan and Ivory,
live together in perfect harmony... - Prico

How sweet... the oldest Dugger boy finally came out of the closet! - Theresa

Caption This!

Man Arrested in Wife’s Beheading

2009-02-17T21:52:00.007-05:00

In response to the countless teenaged girls who think Rihanna must have "done something" to provoke Chris Brown, that it is somehow her fault, that beating Rihanna black and blue and leaving her unconscious does not make Chris Brown an abuser, that this was probably a one time thing, I want you to READ THIS. And I want you to pay particular attention to this: His wife filed for divorce February 6, and police had responded to several domestic violence calls at the couple's home, Benz said. And this: Fifirey said the last time her sister had been in South Africa was in May last year, and that on her arrival, she had been assaulted so badly that they had to pay R30 000 in medical fees. And this: Mrs Hassan had filed for divorce after enduring previous incidents of domestic violence, her lawyer told the Buffalo News. And this: Police confirmed that an order of protection was in force, barring Mr Hassan from the family home as of Friday February 6.

This might be an extreme example, but the message is the same: if someone abuses you, it will not be a one time thing. It will happen again and again, regardless of how many times he/she apologizes, regardless of how sincere he/she seems. And really, the only reason it may seem extreme is the cause of death, not the death itself. That, sadly, is not uncommon at all. As for the idea that Rihanna did something to deserve this: it is never OK to beat your significant other. There is never an excuse for violence. I have read so many comments on various sites over the last week written by young girls who believe Chris Brown is a hero and Rihanna "had it coming". I had no idea that so many young girls lacked education on this topic. It's a scary thought, and if I can be completely honest for a second, it depresses the hell out of me.

Please read.

Mackin' Barack

2009-02-17T21:46:00.002-05:00

One more reason why he's one of the coolest men on the planet.

You Must Have Thought I Was Nothing Without You Boy

2009-02-15T11:51:00.002-05:00

I've decided to recruit people to re-enact this video with me. I'm not a trained dancer, but I can come up with some moves. If you're interested call me...

The Presets - If I Know You

ESL Graffiti

2009-02-15T11:49:00.002-05:00

I took this yesterday because I was so moved by the auteur's message which, although art of course is subjective, I take to be that when life hands you lemons, you should eat more pussy.

Caption This!

2009-02-15T11:46:00.001-05:00

Hey look, Miley! It's one of those Goofy Face dolls! Let's order one! - me

CHINK IN A BOX!!! - Prico

I thought you had to buy a plane ticket for your mail order bride, but I guess this is cheaper... - Prico

Warranty: If you find that your Asian neighbor has Sars or Salmonella or Avian Flu or Melamine, return immediately to the manufacturer. - Prico

Be careful when you order chinese over the phone... - Prico

You've Got Mail meets The Grudge in...
You've Got Hate Mail. - Prico

This gives a whole new meaning to "Shanghai Surprise". - Prico

Amazon move into the mail order bride industry. - Ros

Cannibal family-sized Bento Box. - El B

Damn! Why does everything you order online look different when you get it? I ordered a lawnmower! - El B

Shit. I ordered one with a dick. How much to return it to Bangkok? - El B

An hour later i ordered another. - El B

Hello, Amazon, wheres the rest of my order? 20 ping pong balls and the python? - El B

CAPTION THIS!

Birthday Mieps

2009-02-13T08:45:00.002-05:00

Today is my little Molly's birthday. As some of you know, Molly died last year, on March 28th. She would have been 14 today. I didn't, don't, and except for this post won't talk about it on the blog, because it's too important to me. For this same reason I was not going to post about her birthday. But then I read this: "Last of Anne Frank's 'helpers' set to turn 100". You probably already know to whom the article is referring, but just in case, it is referring to Miep Gies, who hid Anne Frank and others from the Nazis in WWII. How does this relate to Molly's birthday, you ask? Molly's full name is Molly Miep. I named her after Miep Gies because when I got her at 6 weeks old I had just finished reading The Diary of Anne Frank (for about the millionth time!) and once again was awestruck and crying and emotional and...well, it was my humble little way of honouring one of my heroes.

My little Mol is also one of my heroes. She was a fighter, man. She was the runt of her litter, had poor health her whole life, was diagnosed with diabetes at age 10, and managed to fight it until just past her 13th birthday. Little did I know how appropriate the choice of namesake would be; I mean, there aren't many people more courageous than Miep Gies. Regardless of her rejection of the title Miep Gies is the very definition of a hero; the fact that this Sunday she will turn 100 years old is proof of that. Happy Birthday to Miep, and Happy Birthday to Molly Miep!

Rescuer of Jewish girl's diary insists she doesn't deserve attention

AMSTERDAM - Anne Frank called them the Helpers. They provided food, books and good cheer while she and her family hid for two years from the Nazis in a tiny attic apartment.

On Sunday, the last surviving helper, Miep Gies, celebrates her 100th birthday, saying she has won more accolades for helping the Frank family than she deserved — as if, she says, she tried to save all the Jews of occupied Holland.

"This is very unfair. So many others have done the same or even far more dangerous work," she wrote in an e-mail to The Associated Press this week.

It was Gies who gathered up Anne's scattered papers and notebooks after the hiding place was raided in 1944. She locked them — unread — in a desk drawer to await the teenager's return.

Anne died of typhus in the German concentration camp of Bergen-Belsen seven months after her arrest. British and Canadian troops liberated the camp two weeks later.

Gies gave the collection to Anne's father Otto, the only survivor among the eight people who hid in the concealed attic of the canal-side warehouse. He published it in 1947, and it was released in English in 1952 as "The Diary of a Young Girl." Retitled "The Diary of Anne Frank," it was the first book about the Holocaust to win popular appeal, and has sold tens of millions of copies in dozens of languages.cont'd

WATCH AN INTERVIEW WITH MIEP

Photo of the Day

2009-02-11T12:53:00.003-05:00

I know it's mean, but...can't...stop...laughing...

(source)

Fun Site Alert

2009-02-10T21:14:00.002-05:00

“This is a little project that allows me to make fun of some things and sense of others without resorting to doing actual math.”

Caption This!

2009-02-10T20:31:00.000-05:00

Batch Man!!!! - me

Fergie during her ' Twigs & Berries ' tour 2009. - El B

Madonna, damn, get off those roids! - El B

What? I'm only a temp! - El B

The "A" stands for AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! - Prico

All new Trans-gender Power Rangers! - Ros

Anatomically inaccurate Sayaka from Mazinger Z - Prico

New Robotrans with crotch torpedo launcher, from Bandai - Prico

Rob Schneider will do anything for a movie role. ANYTHING. - Prico

Carmen Electra looks great after the surgery... she's hoping to win Dave Navarro back. - Prico

It's a man! I can tell by the Adam's apple... - Prico

Polterwang, Polterwang,
Friendly neighborhood Polterwang... - Prico

Caption This!

Gold Medal Laser Boy!

2009-02-09T21:41:00.004-05:00

It's time for another installment of everybody's favourite thing: CAT VIDEOS! I've put two different videos into one: first is Skylar playing with his laser pointer, second is him chatting it up. He's not nearly as vocal here as he usually is (I've said it before but it bears repeating: dude is more talkative than me,) but it's still a great example of his super cute high pitched girly voice (Daya calls him my gay cat.) And the laser pointer part - well, you may remember that this is not a new thing, but what is new is my discovery that if I pile my comforters on the floor Skylar will dive for the laser pointer with complete and total abandon. He's like the Greg Louganis of laser pointer diving, if there was such a sport, and we all hope there will be. Skylar for London 2012!

Well, Clarice - have the lambs stopped screaming?

2009-02-09T15:18:00.006-05:00

Everyone remembers these, right? How could you forget! Well, I think we have a new winner for creepiest mask ever.

...actually, the more I think of it, the less sure I am this new Ripped the Flesh off a Fresh Corpse mask is scarier than those knit ones, because, you know, this is pretty damned creepy.

Which one's creepier? Which one will give you more disturbing nightmares? It's guaranteed both types will give you nightmares; which one will stay with you forever?

I Will Do it Till I Know it's Real

2009-02-08T11:54:00.001-05:00

Feb/09

Forgive Me For I Have Relapsed...

2009-02-08T11:53:00.003-05:00

When God wants to take His message of deliverance across the globe, there is NO stopping Him. Check out this feature of the EX Shirts on one of the fastest growing Christian Hip Hop magazines in the US: www.DaSouth.com. Also, hit up their new article, "Masturbation" It breaks down the lies behind masturbation, explains how this is actually a sin, and how we can be freed through Christ.
Passion for Christ Movement

Caption This!

2009-02-08T11:44:00.001-05:00

If a goth shits in the forest, does anybody hear? - me

Scene from John Carpenter's Dump of the Dead - Prico

If someone offer you an Hors d' oeuvres at a GWAR concert, for the love of god, don't eat it. - Jamie

What? I had a heavy Mealtal last night! - El B

Metallicaca. - El B

KISS? Maybe, but use the babywipes first. - El B

When a dickhead has a shit in the forest does a bear become Pope? - El B

Racoon- " What the....?" - El B

The reason the leopard became deaf, shit in its ears. - El B

"The toilet roll is on your arm. Oh, I think you've run out!" - Ros

"A forest fire in California has destroyed 30,000 acres in the last 48 hours. The source of the fire is yet unknown..." - Prico

Just dropping a brown log back with it's family... - KeLL

A vampire with blood intolerance is not a pretty picture... - Prico

Caption This!

This is the Best Part of the Trip, This is the Trip, the...Best Part

2009-02-04T22:54:00.005-05:00

I've been on a Doors kick the past few days, and I always end up back at this song. It's not even one of my favourites - I mean, it is, but I have about 50 favourites ahead of this one. But I can't ever seem to stay away from The Soft Parade. I'll let you in on an embarrassing secret (well, what should be an embarrassing secret, but it's me, so you know...no shame...) I made up a sort of variety hour musical revue to this song when I was a teenager, and I used to perform it in my bedroom all the time. Not an easy feat to choreograph a whole performance since there are about 13 different songs within this one song! I was talented, what can I say.

Caption This!

2009-02-03T21:27:00.000-05:00

Even the girl from The Grudge doesn't scare me as much as Palin... - me

Sarah Palin's head invades woman's stomach! - Ros

Yep, that'll keep those men away from you, you gorgeous woman! - El B

Alien 5 - Prico

I always knew she had belly button breath... - Prico

CAPTION THIS!

Fck! What the Fck is it With You?!

2009-02-03T21:14:00.009-05:00

You know what's funny, if this had been almost anyone else, ANYONE ELSE, I would have completely written them off and that would have been that. After all, I gave up Shia LaBeouf last year after his various DUI escapades, and I've never looked back *single tear*. But even after hearing about the absolute ridiculous onset behaviour of my beloved Christian Bale, I can't stay mad at him. In fact, I never got mad in the first place. Sure, he sounds like an asshole here, but hey, maybe there were extenuating circumstances. And hell, even if there weren't, I admit it: I am so completely blinded by my longterm love affair with Mr. Bale that I can get past this. We can get past this, Christian. I am here for you. Call me.

P.S. This song kicks more ass than Christian Bale on a movie set (zing!)

Caption This!

2009-02-01T12:10:00.000-05:00

Oh I know just how she feels, I love chocolate, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - me

That looks like my floor when I wake up in the morning - Jamie
(I know that wasn't a caption, but those of us who know you have a bunch of crazy puppies running around appreciate it... ;)

This must have been one of the broads that auditioned for 2 girls, 1 cup. - Pookie

"On Sh*t Beach, without a towel!" - Ros

"unko daiski yo!" (that means I love shit in japanese)! I look so cute, even in shit!!! - tricia

How many horses can you find in this picture? - Prico

Happy Chinese New Year! This is, obviously, the Year of the Bull Shit. - Prico

Greetings from Turdistan! - Prico

Always the same with Chinese shit. Have a dump...hour later you want another. - EL B

Chow Yun Fat aint fat no more. - El B

" Hallo, Wing Wah takeaway, could i have a large #1. Ta." - El B

This is why you never ask what it is you are eating...you DON'T want to know! - Pookie

Caption This!

Photograph - I dont want your, Photograph - I dont need your, Photograph - all I've got is a photograph...

2009-02-01T12:03:00.004-05:00

If you're on Facebook you might have seen the kitty pics. If you're on Flickr or have clicked that little Flickr slideshow thing I put up on the side there you may have seen the outdoor pics. And if you're reading this you can just scroll down. I gave my beautiful little camera quite the workout this weekend; here are a couple of my favourite shots. Nothing spectacular but for various reasons I love 'em (well, the kitty pics are obvious, I'm sure ;)

Caption This!

2009-01-28T19:20:00.000-05:00

"At home with the big bad wolf!" - Ros

Bukkake... not just for humans anymore. - Prico

When wolves attack... your ass. Stay tuned, more after the break. - Prico

Aaah... this takes me back. - Prico

Wait... are those pubic hairballs you're hacking, honey??? - Prico

Her limbs are not furry... she's obviously biracial. - Prico

Every time I see a pic like this, ELB's infamous "face blast of mayo" comes to mind, making me laugh and purr at the same time. - Prico

CAPTION THIS!

Let's Get Those Lesbians!

2009-01-28T18:42:00.006-05:00

I came across two - two - totally separate stories about discrimination against lesbians today. I was not searching for lesbians online or anything (not something I often find myself doing,really,) which is why both stories really stood out to me. Not too long ago there was an incident here where a man got into an argument with a woman, because he didn't like the fact that she is a lesbian, and he punched her in the face. Not only did he, a man, punch her, a woman, in the face, but he did so in front of an elementary school, where the adults had gathered to pick up their children. Then he attacked her partner. All this in front of the children. It was a heartwarming, lovely story that warmed the cockles of my heart.

Today I learned that it is possible to be discriminated against by a doctor because of your sexual orientation, and that it's possible to be kicked out of school for the same reason (and have it upheld by a court of law.) I also learned that the biology of lesbians is different from heterosexuals. The doctor had "no experience" treating homosexuals. So you can't blame her, it would be hard to treat people with 6 livers, green blood, and scales. They don't necessarily teach you that stuff in medical school, you know!

Doctor's alleged refusal to treat lesbians sparks rights complaint
January 28, 2009 at 4:05 AM EST
WINNIPEG — Andrea Markowski says she sensed the doctor's unease from the first waiting-room handshake.
She thought she'd been upfront about her background when she asked for a meet and greet with Dr. Karmeila Elias at Winnipeg's Lakewood Medical Centre...
"When I introduced myself and introduced Ginette as my partner, it took [the doctor] a little while to put it together. When she did, she looked really uncomfortable."
It was the beginning of an alleged incident that has prompted a human-rights complaint and raised thorny questions about how the Canadian medical system acculturates foreign-trained doctors.
She says her encounter with Dr. Elias - who trained in Egypt and moved to Canada five years ago - turned for the worse when the trio retreated to an office.
"We started running through my medical history and [the doctor] could not look at me. She was flustered. She couldn't focus. I knew something was up, so I asked her, 'Is our sexual orientation an issue for you in terms of your ability to treat us?'"
Ms. Markowski alleges Dr. Elias soon confirmed her suspicions.
"She said, first thing, that it was against her religion, and second, that she had no experience caring for lesbian or gay patients."
After a terse discussion during which Ms. Markowski says she told the physician she needed "to be educated and get some help because her response was ill-informed," the couple left.
Offended by what they perceived as a blatant example of discrimination, the couple of 18 years say they lodged complaints with the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Manitoba and the Manitoba Human Rights Commission. cont'd

Court: Christian school can expel lesbian students
Tue Jan 27, 8:57 pm ET
RIVERSIDE, Calif. – A California appeals court has ruled that a Christian high school can expel students because of an alleged lesbian relationship.
The 4th District Court of Appeal in Riverside on Monday upheld California Lutheran High School's right as a private, religious organization to exclude students based on sexual orientation.
Two girls sued claiming they were discriminated against after they were expelled from the Wildomar school in 2005. A lower court said the school isn't bound by the same anti-discrimination laws as a business establishment.
John McKay, attorney for California Lutheran, says the school's goal is to educate based on Christian principles.
The attorney for the girls could not be immediately reached Tuesday.
(source)

Famous Last Words

2009-01-27T21:38:00.004-05:00

"Death row inmates are allowed a last meal and to record their last words before execution. Here's what they have to say."

"Go Raiders!"

—Robert Charles Comer, executed in Arizona on May 22, 2007

Photo of the Day

2009-01-26T16:55:00.003-05:00

Hey lady, saying Misha Barton's career is "in the crapper" is just an expression...

(source)

"There is no such thing as Canadian bacon."

2009-01-26T13:25:00.004-05:00

This should be saved for Canada Day, but that isn't until July 1st, and I can't wait that long. CLICK HERE to read the whole wonderful, beautiful (?) tribute to my country, but for now here's an excerpt that is very appropriate for this blog, since I've argued this up and down with many of you charlatans...

10- There is no such thing as Canadian bacon. Our bacon looks just like your bacon. The shit you call “Canadian bacon” is some stuff you made up that we never actually use. We have no idea where you got that shit from. It’s kind of like how French Canadians say “Dat’s it. Dat’s all. Fuck ‘em all” because they think it’s an English saying. We’ve never said anything like that – ever.

You've Got to Tolerate Some of Those People That You Hate

2009-01-25T12:43:00.002-05:00

ear wax

Fun Site Alert

2009-01-25T12:22:00.004-05:00

I just realized I've never posted Street Carnage as a "fun site alert", and I don't really know why. Maybe I assume you all read it too, since I've been reading it for months (and apparently I assume everything I do, you do, too. Though the more likely scenario is I don't think I'm original at all and you're probably way ahead of me...) Or maybe I assume you've been there because Tracie Egan from One D at a Time and Jezebel is a contributor to Street Carnage - but not Street Boners, which is the only reason I visit Street Carnage at all - so I assume you may know the site based on that. Or maybe...I just never thought of it. Whatever the reason, I'm doing it now because I've been reading the Street Boners and the comments for the past hour or so, and as usual am having tons of fun doing it. See, what I do is, I don't really visit the site for a while, then I'll remember "Oh wait, Street Boners!" and I'll go to the site and click "Older Entries" for pages and pages and get all caught up and laughed out. Now, I should warn you, a lot of the comments are based around "Yeah I'd fuck her!" and the like (but like most sites there is usually at least one commenter who has me laughing so hard I fear a spleen injury,) but the captions as written by the guy who like, you know, writes the captions, are hilarious. Example - the caption for the photo above:

I made fun of this guy about 9 years ago assuming he would be so devastated he’d go on a vision quest and finally reappear as John Belushi in Animal House but with more poon and better jokes. Unfortunately, he has an equally high opinion of himself and didn’t see the need to improve perfection. Now I know how Doctors Without Borders feel.

CLICK HERE to visit Street Boners.

Caption This!

2009-01-25T10:47:00.001-05:00

Getting hired for Britney's Circus Tour was a real boon for Pete's fledgling catering business... - me

He needs 40ccs of ketchup, STAT! - me

The latest statistic in the bizarre kitchen accidents. - Ros

The last days of Carmen Miranda were truly sad... - Prico

Churros! Get your churros! - Prico

Low budget horror films have so much creativity... - Prico

Caption This!

No Gnews is Good Gnews!

2009-01-23T10:22:00.005-05:00

I was just looking at a picture of a herd of wildebeest and a co-worker asked me "What else are wildebeest called, there's another name for them...?" We figured out it's gnu. Oh, and antelope, it's a type of antelope, too. But what really got me going, and why I'm posting right now, is what the word "gnu" triggered. Remember this?

Have a great weekend, everybody!

Today's Discussion

2009-01-22T10:42:00.008-05:00

I used to work at a grocery store, and one of the guys I worked with's dad had to have a large part of his tongue removed after he developed cancer from smoking for years and years and years. But guess what: he kept smoking. This was mindboggling to me, but my co-worker said that his dad was at the point where he figured "Hey, I've already lost my tongue, why not keep smoking?" So I wondered: if you already have cancer, what is the incentive to quit? I mean, the incentive is obvious, of course: CANCER. And possibly limiting your chances of aggravating it or developing it again down the line. But really, if you already have cancer, is that incentive enough?

We can't really know unless we're in the situation of course, but I put it to you: if you are a smoker and you already have cancer, or you have to have a cancerous part of your body removed, is that incentive enough to quit? Or do you figure it's too late now, why not continue the habit I enjoy so much?

P.S. For you non-smokers, or former smokers like me, I'm not looking for holier-than-thou "smokers are evil" sentiments. We all know it's bad for you (even when I was enjoying that FUCKING AMAZINGLY DELICIOUSLY AWESOME BEST THING EVER smoke after dinner, I was well aware it wasn't REALLY that awesome at all.) I'm just looking for your opinion on continuing to smoke after a cancer diagnosis.

Study: 50 Percent of Smokers Keep Puffing After Cancer Diagnosis
MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — Even though smoking is a risk factor for multiple types of cancer, more than half of smokers diagnosed with the disease keep using tobacco, and doctors aren't doing enough to help them quit.

A West Virginia University survey published in the Journal of Oncology Practice found that 44 percent of smokers quit after being diagnosed with cancer.

Less than two thirds, 62 percent, say they received advice from doctors or nurses about quitting the habit.

Dr. Jame Abraham, the study's lead author, says the survey shows there's a need for intervention programs to help cancer patients quit tobacco.

In addition to being a risk factor for cancer, smoking can complicate common cancer treatments like surgery and radiation therapy.

(source)

I Love You, Karin...

2009-01-18T11:54:00.004-05:00

I had a playlist all ready to go for today, but then I found out that Karin Dreijer Andersson from The Knife has a new solo project called Fever Ray! And there's a single! It's been almost 3 years since The Knife put out their last album; both both Karin and her brother Olof Dreijer have been working on various projects, but they haven't released anything as The Knife (much to my anguish.) I don't know when or if they will reform as The Knife, but for now, this will serve me just fine *giddy*. Lil' caveat: just like The Knife, it's pretty safe to say, even at this early stage, based on one single, that Fever Ray is not for everyone.

P.S. Here's a great article about The Knife that totally captures the obsession of fans like me.

Caption This!

2009-01-18T11:52:00.000-05:00

Tara Reidiculous. - me

Hello Kitty: The Live Show - Prico

I've never seen anyone get vitiligo in the eyes wnd mouth... - Prico

The Faces of Tanorexia - Prico

Hawaiian Barbie: The Live Action Movie! - Ros

NO SKIPPER!!!! STAY OUT OF THE TANNING BED!!!!! DIDN'T BARBIE TELL YOU...IT CAUSES SLUTINESS!!!! - Pookie

All of the highlighter in the world, and a flower, doesn't make you classy my dear Paris...close your legs. - Pookie

"They gave me a lay but I got confused...." - Pookie

CAPTION THIS!

Magic and Skylar Sitting in the Tub, K-I-S-S-I-N...erm...

2009-01-15T22:08:00.010-05:00

As some of you already know, I recently had a visitor in my home - Daya's little fuzzball, Magic. Actually, I only had him for about a total of one week, the rest of the time he stayed at my friend's house (thanks, Meef! I will love you forever...) But anyway while he was with me, I took quite a few pictures and a fair amount of video. Like a lot of kitties, for some strange reason Magic is really attracted to sinks and bathtubs. Skylar also loves playing in the tub, so it made for some interesting encounters between the two of them, which I filmed and edited together (God I love WIndows Movie Maker!) Anyway, some of the video involves a laser pointer, which is Skylar's favourite toy in the whole wide world, and the other part involves a toy called Yeoww! Stinkies that Magic discovered at my house (and subsequently adopted as his own.) Daya, you need to buy these for him! Actually, anyone with a kitty needs to try these things, for real. And when you do, TAKE VIDEO. Trust.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

P.S. Skylar's "entrance" at the 6 second mark is a thing of beauty...

P.P.S. in case you didn't get to see it, CLICK HERE to see video of Magic at Meef's house, enjoying a very well-timed anus bath.

R.I.P. Ricardo Montalban

2009-01-15T08:45:00.001-05:00

Fantasy Island star Ricardo Montalban dead at 88

Ricardo Montalban, best known for his roles as Mr. Roarke in Fantasy Island and Khan in Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan, died at the age of 88 on Wednesday, the Associated Press reports. A cause of death was not given.

The Mexican-born actor was brought to Hollywood by MGM in 1946. From there he played a number of different roles in television and film, but was also active in theater.

Montalban was given a life achievement award by the Screen Actors Guild in 1994 and by the NCLR Bravo Awards in 1995, according to imdb.com.

He was also known to play a particularly good villian – as made evident by his role of Khan – but he also won two soap opera awards for outstanding villain in 1986 and 1988.
(source)

High Five! I'm Giving You a High Five, Damn it!

2009-01-14T10:22:00.005-05:00

I only get two channels on my TV - CBC & CTV. As such, when I'm not watching DVDs or stuff I've downloaded on the ol' computer, my viewing choices are rather limited. Which is how I ended up watching American Idol last night, and how I came to actually see this incident (and subsequently almost pass out from laughter and shock):

American Idol host Ryan Seacrest makes a stunning faux pas as he tries to high-five a blind contestant

American Idol host Ryan Seacrest made a stunning faux pas when the new series of the hit talent show returned to US screens last night.
Confronted with 23-year-old blind contestant, Scott McIntyre, Seacrest attempted to give the auditionee a high-five.
McIntyre, who can only see two degrees of tunnel vision 'it's kind of like looking through a straw' was none the wiser when Seacrest instinctively tried to give the singer who had just successfully auditioned of the new series the greeting.
cont'd

Caption This!

2009-01-14T08:48:00.001-05:00

A dingo took my baby. And by dingo I mean the homeless man who hangs out behind the dumpster. - Prico

They've finally captured the Boogeyman in east Asia. - Prico

Not the Rapunzel you were expecting, is it? - Prico

Not even a baby can stand the smell of rotting scalp. - Prico

"Granddad didn't expect his grandchildren to be fighting over him, when he visited." - Ros

I'll bet he has another baby wrapped up in that so called dred lock of his. - Pookie

Go ahead kids, poke it with the stick. It's fun! See if it moves! - Pookie

This is how they make Thai noodles. The secret is in the sauce... - Prico

CAPTION THIS!

Today's Discussion

2009-01-12T22:26:00.007-05:00

I have been reading about this case for a few hours now (as well as this one, and this one) but it didn't occur to me to post about it until I read this:

Abortion in cases like this should be mandatory, in my opinion.
Beeper, Rothley, 12/1/2009 5:51

MANDATORY ABORTIONS? Are we really going there?! What is this, The Chrysalids?! (damn, gotta read that one again, it's been years...)

Anyway, I am SO over celebrity gossip right now (Angelina Jolie seems to have become some sort of sacrificial goat or something these days and the stupidity level on gossip sites from writers and commenters alike is starting to make my computer cry,) and you know I like to have discussions on this blog from time to time, so...you know, discuss.

I'll include a short excert here, click the link to read the entire story.

British woman pregnant with Siamese twins with two heads but only ONE body
By Nicola Boden
Last updated at 12:07 PM on 12th January 2009

A British woman plans to make history by becoming the nation's first mother to give birth to Siamese twins with separate heads but only one body.

Lisa Chamberlain, 25, is determined to go through with the pregnancy despite medical advice that she should have her children aborted.
She was told she was expecting the extremely rare set of twins during a routine scan and insists they are a miracle after years of trying for a child.
'Some people might look at me and say "You're going to give birth to a freak" but I don't care because I feel blessed,' she said.

'To me, my twins are a gift from God and we're determined to give them their chance of life.' CONT'D

Caption This!

2009-01-11T14:12:00.000-05:00

Bratz dolls don't age well... - Prico

Cloris Leachman joins the cast of Girls Next Door. - Prico

Golden Girls Gone Wild - Prico

Damn Grandma, i was thinking you'd buy some warm winter clothing with those government vouchers! - El B

' We had a really Hispanic Time ' reinvents itself in 2035 as jenner posts more NYEs photos of herself, not a pussy in sight! Thank the Lord. - El B

Hefs first love, Tits McGinty, Centrefold 1932. - El B

Really, have you not heard of the push-up bra? It soooo would've completed the outfit. - Meef

It's been 40 years and Hugh Hefner still hasn't married Holly... - Prico

Madonna's publicity photos for her 2038 World Tour. - Ros
Suddenly "Sticky and Sweet" makes sense... - Prico

CAPTION THIS!

R.I.P. Ray Dennis Steckler

2009-01-10T13:21:00.006-05:00

Thanks to Jamie for the heads up. I had no idea. R.I.P. Ray. :(

Ray Dennis Steckler, the maverick producer/director/writer/actor/cinematographer (and-and-and) who created such cult flicks as THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME MIXED-UP ZOMBIES!!? (1964) and THE THRILL KILLERS (1964), died Wednesday night at age 70. At the beginning of his nearly half-century career, the rebel moviemaker was a fixture at Fairway International, the Burbank-based indie film company established by Arch Hall, Sr.

Steckler began as a camera assistant on Fairway’s caveman-on-the-loose-in-Palm-Springs campfest EEGAH (1962) and then directed their next feature WILD GUITAR the same year. Using his frequent nom de screen “Cash Flagg,” he also co-starred in the latter as the thuggish henchman of a record company executive (Hall Sr.).

The star of EEGAH and WILD GUITAR, Arch Hall Jr. knew Steckler from the Fairway days until what was his final public appearance on November 14, 2008: a special Los Angeles County Museum of Art screening of NO SUBTITLES NECESSARY: LASZLO & VILMOS, a documentary about Fairway Film cameramen-turned-world-class-cinematographers Vilmos Zsigmond and the late Laszlo Kovacs. FANGORIA is privileged to have Arch Hall Jr., remember and eulogize Ray Dennis Steckler:

I first met Ray at Fairway Studio in Burbank, when he was associated with some of the films I was involved with. Ray was capable of doing almost anything—coming up with story ideas, working as a director, a camera operator, a cinematographer—and he had the respect of people who were good at each one of those skills. So I would say he was a genius. In the late ’50s when he was in the Army Pictorial Corps, he had gotten into movie cameras, and I think that’s where he got the spark of “I’m gonna be in the movies.”

continue reading...

Do You Suck Them Very Slowly, Or Crunch Them Very Fast?

2009-01-07T20:04:00.011-05:00

Something I was surprised to learn a little while ago is that in the United States you can't get Hostess brand potato chips. I had this discussion with several of my American friends a few months ago - initially they didn't believe me that Hostess made more than cupcake type desserts! Hostess was a leading brand of chips here in Canada for years, until it was replaced by Lay's (do you have Lay's in the States at least???) Anyway that was an interesting discovery (though not as fun as milk bags - I don't think anything will ever be as fun as milk bags.) But it isn't nearly as interesting - and by "interesting" I mean "horrifying" - as what I discovered yesterday. You know what else they don't have in the States? SMARTIES. SMARTIES! A bloody chocolate STAPLE! EVERYONE knows Smarties! Everyone LOVES Smarties! Everyone has made a horn out of the Smarties box once you've eaten all the Smarties! Everyone knows that when you eat your Smarties you eat the red ones last! How is this possible that there is no such thing as Smarties in the States?! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!?!

I also heard that Americans don't have Coffee Crisp. COFFEE CRISP! Again I ask HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! But that's not nearly as shocking as NO SMARTIES!

I found a website called "Canada Only" - do you see anything on this site that is sold in your country, whether that's the United States, or England, or anywhere else? Actually, I already know that we would have a lot of the same stuff that England has. I'm sure though that there is some stuff on this Canada Only site that no one outside of my country has heard of. Check it out, I need to know!

SMARTIES...HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE SMARTIES...????????

Caption This!

2009-01-07T19:56:00.003-05:00

Just 3 hours after the wedding, Denise realizes she made a HUUUUUUUGE mistake... - me

Blacula! " I will suck your blood my dear! "
" Yep, and thats gonna be the only thing sucked tonight, if you dont get off the ceiling you twat! " - El B

She said she had a small flatulence problem... a second later, he was caught in a wind tunnel. - Prico

Girl, I knew your boyfriend was a turd, but I had no idea he was a floater... - Prico

CAPTION THIS!

We Wanted You Bad, You Wanted it More

2009-01-04T12:04:00.000-05:00

jan/09

Welcome to 2009 on Hispanic Time! That Rhymes! Wow, What a Time! And...uh...

2009-01-04T11:58:00.005-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Well, did you have a good New Year's Eve? What did you do? Me, I didn't do much. Me & my friend were going to go to this great vegetarian restaurant (sweet potato french fries with ketchup and mayonnaise, OMG) and then go to Nathan Phillips Square (Toronto's city hall) for the New Year's festivities they have every year (very touristy thing to do, but it's free and fun and you could get on TV and it's way cheaper than the clubs we were thinking of going to - $30 when it's usually like, $9??? No thank you!) That was the plan, anyway. But on a whim, my friend (who from here on in shall be referred to as Meef) decided to call the restaurant just to make sure they would be open. It was around 8:00 when she called; they were closing 45 minutes later. Damn it! So having lost the incentive to brave the FUCKING FREEZING COLD WEATHER, Nathan Phillips Square was ruled out. But because we are both hermits and wanted to break out of our hermitdom (hermitatude? hermitation?), Meef and I were determined to at least leave the house, so we went to a pub across the street from my street. Wait, first we went to a variety store and loaded up on candy, then we went to the pub. We watched various hockey games on the TVs around the bar (and one show on TVO Meef was convinced was about transexuals even though we couldn't hear it,) then around 11:00 they put the live broadcast from Nathan Phillips Square on the TVs. You could tell the people were absolutely freezing; steam was pouring out of the mouths of the audience and the performers, people were huddled together, jumping around trying to stay warm; we were wise to bail. After we ate dinner we wandered back over to my house, where we put on Reefer Madness, ate candy and watched a minor countdown of sorts on CBC with George Stroumboulopoulos (Meef's TV boyfriend) at midnight. It was a very low key, but very nice evening. And we actually went outdoors, which was the main plan. ;)

So tell us what you did! Provide pictures if you can. No reason, just, you know, I'm all picture crazy now that I have my digital camera (camera! squeal!) so like, you should be too now.

SO welcome back to Hispanic Time, and again, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope this year treats you well. I know many of us did not have a good 2008, so here's to a happier 2009!

P.S. Scroll down for the newest Caption This!

P.P.S. Speaking of camera crazy, here are some pictures of Skylar watching last night's game like a good Canadian kitty, and some of Chloey curled up with some toys. That might not seem like a big deal, but here's the thing with Chloey - you guys know how evil she is, I've spoken of it many times, and I bear many scars. But Chloey LOVES. HER. TOYS. She is nuts about toys, and very protective of them. You know how little kids won't share toys, and will go out of their way to make sure the other kids know they have a certain toy, just to rub it in? That's Chloey. It's hilarious!

Oh, please don't tell her I told you this or showed you these pictures or she'll kill me in my sleep...

Caption This!

2009-01-04T11:57:00.001-05:00

Grandma got run over by Santa - Prico

(Love the skidmarks on his foot.) - Jennifer
(I know this wasn't actually a caption but it fits, so...hehe)

Free Willy... From My Lap - Jennifer

Thar she blows! - Jennifer

2 Girls 1 Chub - Jennifer

The hair on his face is the same color as the hair at the bottom of his foot. - Prico
(same as above, it fits... ;)

" What? Its our 2nd date Shirley, whats wrong? Give me a call when you sort your life out! " - El B

The audience at the premiere of ' Curious Case of B Button ' were NOT expecting that!! - El B

SEE! No dingleberries! My arms ARE long enough to wipe! - El B

Santa will visit you if you're good. If you're naughty... you get Manbearpig. - Prico

CAPTION THIS!

Happy New Year Everyone!

2008-12-31T00:08:00.005-05:00

This song is, in my opinion, one of the greatest party songs of all time. And for some reason it always reminds me of New Year's Eve. I'm not sure why - I have no associative memories or anything. Maybe it's just the sheer party vibe. It's just SO. MUCH. FUN. I suppose you could get all literal - "one more time", you know, a new year, again, etc etc etc. But I wouldn't if I were you, because that's boring. You're boring us all. Have some imagination, why don't you.

While you're dancing to the song, take a moment to check out some of the highlights of Hispanic Time 2008. Whether it was something tragic, hilarious, weird, cute, of no importance to anyone but myself, somehow it ended up on the blog. Let's take a trip down memory lane together, shall we? *arm in arm*

Anyway what I really want to say is HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL. Have a fantastic and safe evening, and here's to a happy, healthy 2009! I know it's what you're supposed to say, but I really mean it. I just can't think of any other way to say it other than the acceptable cliches. I love you all! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

January 2008

Heath Ledger dies (read)

Britney's meltdown continues (read)

February 2008

The Gene Simmons sex tape arrives. The world cries (read)

Molly turned 13 years old! (read)

March 2008

The unveiling of my greatest drunk pic ever! (read)

April 2008

Tracey Ullman totally owns Dina Lohan (read)

May 2008

My neighbour catches me dancing to Paper Planes. Purchase of curtains becomes necessary (read)

June 2008

Amy Winehouse diagnosed with emphysema at 24. The death watch continues... (read)

I jump on the "Is Nicole Kidman faking her pregnancy?!" bandwagon (I'm still on it, FYI!) (read)

Christina getting bored with domestic life? (read)

July 2008

Hoffey Apples! (read)

I still can't read this without getting the chills *shudder* (read)

August 2008

The hottest Olympians in Beijing were... (read)

One of the best photos of the year (maybe EVER!) (read)

The beautiful love story of Jamie Lynne - Casey Aldridge gets even classier (read)

Bernie Mac dies (read)

Skylar turns 5! (read)

September 2008

I totally stalk Paul Gross at a market (read)

Paul Newman dies (read)

Clay Aiken comes out. Shocks no one. Except these people (read)

October 2008

Ashley Judd is a douche (read)

I discover the cinematic masterpiece known as Black Devil Doll From Hell. My life changes forever (read)

November 2008

Chloey turns 18! (read)

Garfield Minus Garfield! We discover Jon Davis is in serious need of psychiatric help (read)

Debra Messing is a douche (read)

December 2008

I get a digital camera for Christmas. Skylar gets his big screen debut (read)

Eartha Kitt dies (read)

The Top 10 Movies of 2008? (read)

Bettie Page dies (read)

Goats ROCK! (read)

Blind Item Reveal: Jessica Alba a Backstabber? NO!

2008-12-30T10:46:00.009-05:00

This blind reveal isn't nearly as interesting to me as some of the others we've discovered (click on the label "Blind Item" to see the others) mainly because I don't really give a shit about either of these talentless hacks. But I like a good reveal, and as we all know, Lainey always comes through. And this one is pretty nasty & bitchy, which always makes for great gossip.

An excerpt from the original Blind Item (make sure you read the whole thing, it's hilarious:

Bitch Wars
Bitch #1 has been backstabbing for a while starting a few years ago when she was vying over a then-coveted role in a major blockbuster with lucrative potential...
Now she has a new opponent. And a more formidable one. The two were both in talks for a prestige project, a tug of war battle going back and forth. Bitch #2 launched the first offensive. She started circulating that B1 was struggling with her acting coach and had already fired two of them, studying with a third. When B1 found out she retaliated by circulating rumours that B2's assets were surgically enhanced and that she was a terror to work with, making crews miserable on a regular basis.

B2 has now struck back with the lowest blow yet. At a business lunch the other day, she made sure to drop details about B1's relationship: that it's in trouble, that's she's an emotional wreck and is prone to self harming and is trying to save her love by getting pregnant.

It's getting uglier and uglier and B1 is out for blood. Stay tuned...

And now, from today's Lainey:

All smiles on a bitch night out
She (Jessica Alba) starts shooting The Killer Inside Me in a short few weeks alongside Casey Affleck and… she plays a prostitute, which means she’s convinced herself that – finally! – she’s found an Oscar-potential part...It’s also somewhat of a victory. She worked hard for this one, she supposedly backstabbed with ruthless determination to make it hers. There is much to celebrate. And this is why she’s so happy. Jessica Biel, not so much.

He's a Musician, Too?!

2008-12-29T14:32:00.007-05:00

I fully admit my bias here - I love love love Ryan Gosling, so unless this turned out to be some sort of Miley Cyrus level of crap-pop (you know, 75% of what's on mainstream radio) I'd probably like it. But it's actually quite good anyway. Definitely won't be to everyone's liking, but that's actually better - it means you're probably doing something different (and thank god for it.) And hey, if you can take a piano, a set of drums (and a f*cking hot drummer!!!), a pile of kids and make a pretty damn good song, well, you're A-OK in my book.

In The Room Where You Sleep (live video version)

(source)

Oh This New Camera is Going to Be Dangerous...

2008-12-27T13:06:00.007-05:00

I mentioned my new camera (NEW CAMERA! YAY!) on Kitty Porn, but when I did so I'd yet to figure out how to use the video part. Well, since posting the pics on Kitty Porn I have figured out the video. I've even posted the Caption This! way early so I can post this on top of it *eager*. I have a video of Chloey, but it's just Chloey sleeping & looking pissed off after I wake her up, so I figured I'd just post this one instead (Skylar's a much more amiable subject ;) It's my little guy sitting with a couple of toys, and then, as I keep speaking to him in a really annoying voice, he gets all curious and comes & sits in front of me. That's it. But it's beautiful, if I do say so myself. He makes a lovely subject. ;)

P.S. Skylar is currently on a tiny bit of a diet - just a slight reduction in food, he just has to lose a pound or two max, nothing major - but I bring it up because when he's lying on his side he seems to look really fat. He's my wittle baby boy, so I feel the need to point out that while he is a pound or two overweight, he's not really fat, he's just a really big cat, build-wise (for real, he's massive, he looks like we just took him off the plains...) and he's REALLY REALLY REALLY FLUFFY. If I'd thought about it, I'd have smooshed down his fur so you could see the difference. Anyway, when he gets up & walks over to me you can see he's not nearly as big as he looks lying down. There's really no need for me to say all that, but like I say, he's my boy and I just felt the need to make this little disclaimer, to defend my boy's honour ;)

P.P.S. I don't normally sound as...well, LIKE THIS...as I do in this video. Anyone with pets knows your voice changes when you talk to them, oui?

P.P.P.S. I just noticed you can hear Corner Gas in the background...

Caption This!

2008-12-27T13:06:00.001-05:00

Could it be . . . a very Scientology Christmas? - Brunhilda

The Wiggles: Tranny Christmas Spectacular - Prico

Christina Aguilera needs to quit it with these concept videos... - Prico

Bjork gives birth. - Prico

I swear I'll never try crystal meth again... - Prico

America's Next Top Clone - Prico

I wanted to dream of a white christmas... and then the Ambien kicked in. - Prico

"We couldn't find any 1st century Palestinian dress in the costume shop!" - Ros

If you ever wondered what the Rockettes did the rest of the year to earn money... wonder no more! Rent-a-Rockette! - Prico

To avoid deportation while working in your yard, illegal aliens have opted for radical methods of disguise... - Prico

Aliens have come to invade us!!! And they look suspiciously like Rose Nyland... - Prico

Mannequin 3: Heathers - Prico

Celtic Woman's Christmas Album - Prico

Snowflakes and hard nipples go hand in hand... - Prico

Christmas lights: $28.70
Christmas decorations: $36.94
Creepy angels delivering an immaculate conception baby at your door: Priceless - Prico

This is what gay sperm looks like. - Prico

CAPTION THIS!

R.I.P. Eartha Kitt

2008-12-26T14:12:00.003-05:00

Seductive singer Eartha Kitt dies at 81

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Eartha Kitt, who rose from the Southern cotton fields to captivate audiences around the world with sultry performances as a singer, dancer and actress, died on Thursday at the age of 81.

Kitt died of colon cancer for which she was recently treated at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital in New York, said Andrew Freedman, a long-time friend and publicist.

The cancer was detected about two years ago and treated but recurred after a period of remission.

"She came back strongly. She had been performing until two months ago," Freedman told Reuters by telephone from Los Angles. "We had dates booked through 2009."

Slinky, sensuous and cat-like, Kitt described herself as a "sex kitten" and used her seductive purr to charm audiences across the world.

Actor-director Orson Welles once called Kitt "the most exciting woman alive" and, along with Lena Horne, she was one of the first African-American sex symbols.
cont'd

Merry Christmas Mes Amis!

2008-12-23T19:41:00.008-05:00

I thought long and hard about what I wanted to post for Christmas. Should I post what I posted last year, make it a tradition? Eh, maybe I can come up with something better. So I thought about posting a Squidbillies Christmas episode, "Rebel With a Claus", where Early Cuyler kidnaps Santa and holds him hostage in exchange for the still-beating heart of Jeff Gordon, but I couldn't find a good copy. Then I decided to post the Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past, where a robotic turkey returns from the future to warn Carl and the Aqua Teens about...some sort of robot turkey uprising and...well, it's confusing. Confusingly HILARIOUS. Alas, same problem as above - no good copy.

So what I've decided to do is post a movie I've posted a couple of times since starting this blog, but it never gets old and I can never resist an opportunity to share it with the world (or at least with the 10 or so people who read this blog). That movie is, of course, Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Alien, Flesh Eating, Hellbound, Zombified Living Dead Part 2: In Shocking 2-D. It has nothing to do with Christmas, but as mentioned above, I sort of exhausted my Christmas video search. Besides, anything can be festive if you make it festive! Even zombies! Maybe even especially zombies? Hmm?

Before you enjoy the movie, let me take this time to say Merry Christmas to you all, and to tell you how much I appreciate each and every one of you. I really do. And I love you all, too. Before I get too mushy (you KNOW I tend to be emotional these days - and by "these days" I mean all my life) let me just say have a wonderful Christmas and I'll see you all in a couple of days! OH, and if you get a chance, take a stab at the Christmas themed Caption This two posts down. Good luck topping Prico, though - that boy's on a TEAR!

XOXOXO

I'll Try to Play the Guitar

2008-12-21T12:26:00.000-05:00

december already!

Christmas This!

2008-12-21T12:21:00.002-05:00

Sony PlaywithyourselfStation. - me

My DS is bigger than yours... - Prico

From GeekHarmony.com profile #34786 - Prico

The new Grand Theft Auto: Sin City for Nintento DS! Comes with an attachment that allows you to actually fuck the prostitutes... - Prico

Um, when I asked you if I could come over and play, this is not what I had in mind... - Prico

Nintento's Anal Hero, for ages 18 and up. Rated P for Peen. - Prico

I think that guy went to my high school. Seriously. - Meef

Nintendo DS ( de-haired scrote ) - El B

Nintendo Wiilly. - El B

Get over 500 pts in Scrabble and i'll show you the goods!
Damn, i got 23 pts, shame! - El B

note- I just measured the bottom screen (of my neighbours DS ) and its 2 3/4 " Hahahaha
ps- i did the same pose and....shit, gotta go to work! Byeeeeeeeee ( Snake of The Simpsons voice ) - El B
(I might had misunderstood that last comment, El B...??? ;P )

CAPTION THIS!

And the Blood Went Spurt Spurt Spurt!

2008-12-18T10:48:00.007-05:00

Merry Christmas!!!

THANKS MEEF!

Jon Lajoie Official Site

Doesn't Mean I'm Sorry

2008-12-17T19:48:00.002-05:00

I just can't keep the post below as the first post (I'm having trouble enough not crying, you know?) so I need something up here, something above it, so it's not the first thing I see. This will do quite nicely. Not only does this song kick all sorts of ass (excuse my lapse into fratboy talk there but it really does) but it has wolves! And millions and millions of bunnies! And no, the wolves and bunnies do not "interact" if you see what I mean. I couldn't handle that on a regular day, let alone a day like today! Man...anyway, listen to this loud loud loud.

Please Give if You Can

2008-12-17T19:15:00.007-05:00

You know me - I cannot handle these types of stories. At all. But since donations are being accepted, I thought I'd post this, because you just never know. Even though I can't handle it, am devastated, have been crying off & on all day, my feelings aren't nearly as important as helping this Humane Society get back up and running. So if you can, only if you can, please donate. You know me well enough to know I would never ever try to guilt anyone into action, but this is just too devastating for me to not try, you know? Not try to guilt you, but...ach, you know what I mean.

Click on the link below to read about what happened (OR DON'T - if I came across this on someone else's blog I certainly wouldn't click on it. But if you can handle it, click below.)

Hug & kiss your pets tonight.

Shelter workers 'reeling' from loss of 150 cats, 3 dogs in fire near Toronto

Caption This!

2008-12-17T10:36:00.001-05:00

Even the Silver Surfer is struggling in this economy... - me

Ahhhhhhhh, run girls!!! A tapist! - El B

Damnit, i gotta turtles head! - El B

Credit crunch Kevlar, will stop a speeding rubber band. - El B

OK, put that turkey in the oven. - El B

For those who think the brazilian wax is inconvenient and messy, try the redneck wax! - Prico

Uncle Bob is making sure that, next time he's abducted by aliens, there will be no anal probes... - Prico

He decided to go to the Car Parts themed fancy dress party as the Michelin Man. - Ros

Locked in Red Green's cellar for years, Sam finally escapes. - Meef

Me. One day. You'll see. - Meef

After designing the perfect outfit, Sam discovers he has no shoes to go with it. - Meef

That outfit really brings out the colour of your eyes. - Meef

Spanx for the guy or gal on a budget. - me

Realizing he used duct tape and not plastic wrap, the world collectively lets out a sigh of relief... - Prico

He can build enough pressure to turn a fart into a diamond... - Prico

CAPTION THIS!

The Top Ten Movies of 2008?

2008-12-14T21:35:00.005-05:00

I have only seen one of the movies on this list (I bet you can't guess which one! OK, you totally can *cough* look at header pic *cough*) so I can't really say whether or not this list is accurate. Have you seen any of the others? Do you agree with this list? I really want to see Slumdog Millionaire (love me some Danny Boyle) and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button; I heard Wall-E was great, same with Milk, and The Reader is probably great because Kate Winslet is one of the best actresses in the world. What say you?

1. 'The Dark Knight'
Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Gary Oldman all deliver terrific performances in the second Batman movie from writer/director Christopher Nolan. 'Dark' is the appropriate word to associate with this Batman tale which pits our hero against one of his biggest adversaries - The Joker. Bale's Batman is once again one of the best lead performances in a superhero film, and Ledger's Joker is one of the most memorable villains ever to grace the silver screen. The effects are top-notch, Nolan's direction is crisp and precise, and there's absolutely no fat left to trim away. The Dark Knight is just about as good as movies get.

2. 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button'
Oh man, I love this fantasy tale. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button may run 2 hours and 45 minutes but it's 2 hours and 45 minutes I'll never regret spending in a theater. Gorgeous to look at, every detail is perfect in this fairy tale pic from David Fincher (Fight Club, Zodiac). Watching Brad Pitt age backwards and seeing Cate Blanchett evolve from a gangly young woman into a mature, dignified senior citizen could have felt contrived, could have looked hokey even with all the progress that's been made in make-up effects. But the fact is within minutes of sitting down to watch Benjamin Button you are so lost in this beautiful story, you don't think twice about it being Pitt and Blanchett under all that make-up.

3. 'Slumdog Millionaire'
The popularity of Who Wants to be a Millionaire has waned, but you don't need to be a fan of the series to understand and enjoy Slumdog Millionaire. One of those films that's hard to resist as tagging 'a little gem', Slumdog Millionaire shows how one young man was able to emerge from horrible poverty to become a millionaire on India's version of the once-popular game show. Although some of the scenes are horrific and incredibly sad, there's a sense of hope that permeates Slumdog Millionaire. Director Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 28 Days Later) shot the film on location in Mumbai, employing mostly unknown young actors to fill out his lead roles. The result is a film that's believable, relatable, and genuinely touching.

4. 'Wall-E'
5. 'The Reader'
6. 'Frost/Nixon'
7. 'In Bruges'
8. 'Milk'
9. 'The Visitor'
10. 'Defiance'

CLICK HERE to read the whole article.

Caption This!

2008-12-14T20:04:00.001-05:00

With the success of her new line of leggings, Hohan decides to branch out into lingerie. Introducing "The SamRo - Wishful Thinking" from her new Fauxmosexual line. - me

Going to a fancy dress party as a male streaker. - Ros

The Cocksie... for the woman who has everything. - Prico

Japanese people are fucked up...
This is not a caption. It's a certainty. - Prico
(it's a caption NOW!)

It comes in three sizes: Asian, Medium and Large. - Prico

Mighty Hermaphrodite. - Jennifer

Shake it once, that's okay. Shake it twice, that's fine. Shake it 3 times, you're playing with yourself! - KeLL

My wooly penis underware is longer than your wooly penis underware... - KeLL

Knit one, penis two... - Meef

Gee, if only I had more yarn... - Meef

Now, how to accessorize? - Meef

Melissa: Kiko just looks stunning on the red carpet tonight. She keeps things simple, yet elegant with a dainty necklace and classic up-do, all the better to accentuate her assets.
Christopher: So true Melissa. Kiko could make Walmart clothes look sophisticated and stylish; she's a real natural. I love the outfit. She looks totally accessible and really pulls it out, err, I mean, off. - Meef

If you want to destroy my sweater, pull this thread as I walk awaaaaay. Oh, not that thread! - Meef

CAPTION THIS!

R.I.P. Bettie Page

2008-12-12T11:15:00.002-05:00

I anticipated having to post this, even picked out a few of my favourite pictures. We all knew it was coming. Still, very sad. :( R.I.P., Bettie.

Bettie Page, 1950s pin-up queen, dies in L.A.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Bettie Page, one of America's most photographed pin-up girls during the 1950s, died in Los Angeles on Thursday from pneumonia, her agent said. She was 85.

Page was a ubiquitous sight during the 1950s, propelled to stardom when she posed for Playboy as Miss January 1955. Soon her image was gracing playing cards, record albums and bedroom posters across the country.

She stopped modeling in 1957, retreated from the public spotlight and turned to religion. She enjoyed a renaissance of sorts in the 1980s, as a new generation of fans became obsessed with her legacy.

Her agent, Mark Roesler, said Page was admitted to a Los Angeles-area hospital four weeks ago. She never regained consciousness after suffering a heart attack earlier this month.

With her dark bangs, alluring blue-gray eyes and wide smile, Page cultivated an innocent girl-next-door persona. The one-time school teacher was nice, but clearly also naughty. Some of her photos featured spanking and bondage.

"Bettie Page embodied the stereotypical wholesomeness of the Fifties and the hidden sexuality straining beneath the surface," authors Karen Essex and James L. Swanson wrote in their 1996 book "Bettie Page: The Life of a Pin-Up Legend."

Page professed to be mystified by all the attention, saying she never felt particularly attractive and had to wear a lot of makeup to cover up her large pores. After she found God, she was initially ashamed of having posed nude.

"(B)ut now most of the money I've got is because I posed in the nude," she told Playboy last year. "So I'm not ashamed of it now, but I still don't understand it."

cont'd

All Eyes Ablaze the Day You Break Your Mold

2008-12-12T10:19:00.004-05:00

Nov ending

Caption This!

2008-12-10T08:40:00.001-05:00

Left foot, blue.....right hand, red...big stick, ass... - me

I really wish Britney would stop organizing her children's birthday parties... - me

Jenna Jameson's baby shower... - me

Mary-Lou- " Clete, are you sure about the rule of 'pole in ass' for right hand slipping off the red?"
Clete- " Its correct, just make sure your left foot stays on the yellow otherwise Hector the mule comes into play!" - El B

Damn, i knew Victoria had a secret, but THIS!!!! - El B

What? Cant Yelena Isinbayeva have a life outside of sports? Dont judge! - El B

Are you sure that I need a prostate exam? - Jennifer

It's the annual St. Francis of Apussy cooter blessing day. Hominus Vaginus. - Jennifer

Training for the 2010 Porn Olympics in Taipei is serious business... - Prico

"No, no, push it in, it'll come out of my mouth, trust me... I already tried pulling it out." - Prico

On the talent competition, Candi will queef the American Anthem using her oboe... - Prico

Is that a diggery doo doo? - Prico

After the commercials, on America's Funniest Videos... Stay tuned! - Prico

Left hand on red...
Right foot on yellow...
Pole on pink... - Prico

I don't think that's how you play "Pin the Tail on the Donkey"... - Prico

Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty sure know how to have fun... - Prico

Paris will do just about anything, as long as there's a camera present. - Prico

I will now commence flogging. You never wear thigh highs without high heels. I don't care if we are playing Twister. FASHION RULES MUST BE FOLLOWED!!! - Brunhilda

CAPTION THIS!

Sometimes I Can Get Irritated...

2008-12-09T10:21:00.007-05:00

You may have noticed over the years that I have a fair amount of pet peeves (NOOOOOOO!) Most of them have to do with BASIC FUCKING MANNERS. Ahem. One of my pet peeves, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this, is people who chew gum with their mouth wide open. The biggest perpetrators of this vile habit are, of course, teenage girls, but I see grown women doing this all the time, too. What is this?! It does NOT look sexy, it does NOT make you look like you're just too cool to care and you're so above it all - IT MAKES YOU LOOK RUDE AND STUPID. OK, fine, people who chew gum with their mouth open, gross, right? Well this morning on the bus I saw a new version of this mess - this chick in front of me was smacking away, mouth wide open, BUT AT THE SAME TIME SHE WAS POUTING HER LIPS LIKE SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS ANGELINA FUCKING JOLIE. Like, what the fuck is THIS??? How do you even CHEW when your mouth is flapping and your lips are sticking out 5 inches from your face?!?!?! How do you NOT create an air current and cause a tornado? The bus isn't very big, and there's a fair amount of precipitation today, IT COULD HAPPEN. Maybe she read that thing about the Olsen twins' love of prunes and decided that was the look for her? I don't know. All I know is on the off chance that bitch ever comes across this page - you, on the 100 Flemingdon Park bus this morning, the one that was supposed to be the 9:24 bus but didn't show up until 9:35 (that could be a contributor to my rage...) you with the long brown hair that you kept fucking flipping two inches from my face so I had to move to the seat beside me - CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH WHEN YOU CHEW GUM. And if you can't close your mouth, STOP THE FUCKING POUTING. You look like a COMPLETE. FUCKING. MORON.

The chewing gum with your mouth open isn't my main pet peeve, but I have so bloody many of them that I can't pin any down right now. Plus, I'm stuck on the gum thing right now, because of the rage and all. ALSO, I think most of my pet peeves aren't nearly as annoying as they are when they're witnessed on public transportation. I think people forget they're still in public (hence, PUBLIC transportation...) Just because you're encased in a giant metal tube doesn't mean I can't see you picking your nose. It doesn't mean you can sit there and BRUSH YOUR HAIR and flick your potentially lice-ridden hair in my face like bugs on a fucking windshield. It doesn't mean you can cut your fucking fingernails (and once, toenails.) It doesn't mean you can take off your shoes and rub foot lotion all over your nasty bare feet. And, while we're on the topic, it doesn't mean you can have a screaming match filled with the worst kind of expletives on your cell phone - just because we can't hear the person on the other end DOESN'T MEAN THE REST OF THE ENTIRE BUS CAN'T HEAR YOU.

Thank you I feel a bit better now...

When You're Dead From the Waist Down, You're Too Far Gone to Even Care

2008-12-07T11:59:00.003-05:00

I have not listened to this song in AGES. It never gets old. For years I've had an on going list of "If I could have any chick's singing voice, who would it be?" Cerys Matthews is in the top 3 for sure. She's also on my "If I was a lesbian list" (which, come to think of it, is a pretty long list...hmmm...perhaps it's time for a heart to heart with myself? Nah, my list of "Since I'm straight I'd like to bone these dudes" list is much, much longer. Still...hmmm...?)

Caption This!

2008-12-07T11:12:00.001-05:00

"Back It Up" Elmo. - me

That was the last time Elmo turned the corner of Sesame Street... - me

Tickle My Ass Elmo - Prico

Today's program has been brought to you by the letter OOOOOOOOOOOOH... - Prico

It's the all new for holiday 2008 Buff My Balls Elmo! Not sold at a Wal-Mart near you. - Brunhilda

Elmo's riding dirrrty... - Prico

Elmo takes tickle revenge on all those who have tickled him. - Ros

Sesame Skeet, skeet, skeet. - El B

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What? What?

2008-12-04T19:49:00.007-05:00

I was going to leave you with a music post for the weekend, but instead I'm leaving you with a video that literally - literally - caused me to have stomach pains from laughing so hard. Oddly enough, I was keywording a bunch of images of goats at work earlier today, before having seen or heard of this video, and me being me I ended up having a long discussion in my head about just how awesome goats are. By the way, did you know that there's a Most Beautiful Goat competition held every year in Saudi Arabia? I actually did know this - I have many pictures of goats featured in this competition saved in my animal folder. And yes, I have a folder specifically for all the animal pictures I find online. Anyway, I don't like animal competitions because I don't like the idea of one animal being considered more beautiful or better than another, but I do love the idea of people loving goats so much that they have a competition for them.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

PS I know it's actually Thursday night but...whatever...

(source)

Sloppy Seconds

2008-12-03T19:31:00.009-05:00

No doubt you've heard all about the "sloppy seconds" debacle currently being debated on news, sports and gossip sites alike. You may have asked yourself, "Self, what does jenner think of this?" knowing, as you do, how big a hockey fan I am. Well, I'll tell you. Sean Avery is a bigger douche that Paris Hilton, Brandon Davis, and Heidi and Spencer combined. He's a racist, makes fun of people with cancer, and he's a turtler - a heinous crime in the NHL no matter what, but especially heinous for one who runs his mouth so much. In short, he can dish it out but he can't back it up. Is he a good hockey player? Yes, he is. But not good enough that anyone would have heard of him if he wasn't one to run his mouth. Oh, and if he hadn't dated Elisha Cuthbert and Rachel Hunter.

Having said all this, what is my opinion of this specific incident? IT'S HILARIOUS. Yes, it was offensive, yes it was stupid, and no, he shouldn't have ever opened his mouth. BUT GODDAMN is it funny...

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, Avery sidled on up to some microphones prior to a game against the Calgary Flames (the team Cuthbert's current beau, Dion Phaneuf, plays for), and responding to a question that was never asked said "I'm really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about, but enjoy the game tonight."

FUCKING. HILARIOUS.

He's still a douche of epic proportions though. It's a shame he wasn't allowed to play in the Calgary/Dallas game, because Phaneuf is built like the proverbial brick shit house and they would have had to scrape Avery off the ice with a shovel. Alas he's been suspended - for how long I do not know. But it doesn't matter - dude's more interested in working for Vogue, anyway.

Lainey - Ebola’s Perfect Mate

WWTDD - ELISHA CUTHBERT IS "SLOPPY SECONDS"

Adopt a Koala!

2008-12-03T16:40:00.002-05:00

Forget socks, adopt a koala for Christmas
Wed Dec 3, 2008 2:33pm EST

SYDNEY (Reuters) - They're cute, they're cuddly and, in these times of financial woe, they make an affordable festive gift that's also good for the soul -- adopt a rescued koala.

The "Adopt a Wild Koala Program" has been in operation for 15 years and is a major source of funding for The Koala Hospital, the world's only medical facility dedicated to the care and preservation of the animals.

The annual cost of adopting a koala is A$40 (US$26) within Australia and A$50 (US$32) from overseas, which the hospital said goes toward the rescue and treatment of sick and injured koalas, the release of treated animals back into the wild, as well as the preservation and expansion of their habitat.

Adopters receive a certificate, a photograph of the animal, the story of how it ended up in the hospital as well as stickers and booklets about koalas and the hospital.

"It's an ideal gift, and particularly these days when kids have everything," Anne Walsh a volunteer at the Port Macquarie-based hospital told Reuters by telephone.

"I had a phone call from a lady in Singapore today who wanted to adopt five koalas for her relatives for Christmas. I've been delighted with the amount of people wanting to adopt."

Walsh said the rescued koalas are usually named after the area they were found in and the person who helped rescue them.

"We've got Westhaven Barry, Kempsey Carolina and Bonny Fire, she was caught up in a bushfire," she added.

Once they have recovered from their injuries or ailments, and are able to live in their natural habitat, the koalas are released back into the wild.

Koalas are native to Australia and are found in coastal regions of the east and south. Their staple diet is eucalyptus leaves.

(source)

Caption This!

2008-12-03T08:45:00.001-05:00

"We're too scared to tell her that clowns are supposed to smile." - Ros

"Leo, I don't care for your demeanor" - Jamie

Sharpie has decided to replace Beckham as their spokesperson. Sad Girl is also currently in negotiations with Wet n Wild. - me

The new Emo crayon, by Crayola - Prico

What you fucking mean Wal-Mart is outta Sharpies. Wal-mart ain't ever outta shit. Imma gonna haf to cut you now. - Brunhilda

Turns out Kali the Indian Goddess not only has 8 arms, she also has 4 eyebrows. - Prico

If the black pencil slims down and delineates... why didn't she use it on her nose too??? - Prico

She looks like she should be singing 70's torch songs. Also, she shouldn't be seen in public. And don't feed her after midnight. - Prico

Mexican emos don't quiet get it yet. - Daya

Oh shit, she's a butterhead. - Prico

Better behead her on the head. - Daya

Hi, mah name is Gwen, and ahm here to WAAARRRRSH your VAGINERRRR... - Prico

Child's Play 12: Chucky and his bride have a Mexican daughter. - Daya

Alice had survived meeting the Queen of Hearts. But was she ready for the Queen of upside-down Spades? - meef

She looks like she's choking herself. And due to her unfortunate looks, I hope she continues...It's the only solution. - meef

Beauty is only skin deep,
but Sharpie lasts forever... - Prico

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The Repetition Kills You

2008-11-30T16:18:00.005-05:00

This video reminds me of an American Apparel ad. But it's still great, because it has Damon Albarn on guest vocals, fridge magnets, and puppies. Oh, and some effin' fantastic sweaters. And if you're on facebook you know that my current obsession (well, one of my many current obsessions) is The Black Ghosts.

Caption This!

2008-11-30T14:28:00.001-05:00

He's still clueless as to why his Blue Man Group audition went wrong... - Prico

Somewhere over the rainbow there's a... blind? - Prico

Looks like Rainbow Brite came all over him. - Prico

Ninjas are getting gayer by the minute... - Prico

The Abominable Spandex - Prico

Look ma, I blue myself. - Jennifer

From Lowered Expectations: #11769. Fabulous Man enjoys nights in, snuggling and tasting the rainbow. - Jennifer

Never date Karma Kameleon... he comes, then goes. - Prico

Scratch'n'Sniff Man didn't really have any useful powers... but he sure had lots of fun. - Prico

Planet Unicorn, heeeeeeeeeeyyyy... - Prico

The new Rainbow Bright. It's life size. - Pookie

Man wants man private ad. 'A Prism seeks a lot of Jism' - El B

NOT what i expected at the end. Wheres the pot of gold? - El B

I knew it!!!As soon as i heard Spidey moved to San Fran, something was up! - El B

"He's going to a candy themed fancy dress party as a Fruit Pastille Lolly!" - Ros

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I Should Know Better...

2008-11-28T13:30:00.007-05:00

In my last post I said that would be it for the posts for a few days, that I was taking advantage of American Thanksgiving even though I'm not American and taking a mini blog vacation. Well, as the title of this post says, I should know better. Something has come up that I MUST, MUST post (thanks Joanna!). It is called Garfield Minus Garfield, which I think is explanation enough...

I had no idea John was such a suicidal manic depressive...HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

CLICK HERE to see more. And don't forget to scroll down to what was supposed to be my last-post-for-a-few-days post to see PORN!

It's Like if David Lynch Directed Porn...

2008-11-26T21:45:00.009-05:00

I know many of you are celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow and won't be around. Hell, you probably haven't been around in a few days, and you probably won't be around for days and days after tomorrow. How the hell did a one day holiday turn into a week??? Anyway this is also a good excuse for me to take a blog break (don't worry, I'm not having another meltdown, I won't be throwing the blog on hiatus. I'm just lazy and prones to fits of jealousy so I figure if others get to have a vacation THEN FUCK IT SO DO I, DAMN IT.)

So anyway as I like to do whenever I am absent from this here blog I will leave you with some entertainment. A friend who knows I appreciate weird shit sent this to me. It's a clip from a porno (WHICH MEANS IT'S NSFW, OR, LIKE, ANYWHERE YOU MIGHT GET IN TROUBLE FOR WATCHING PORN!) and it's...interesting. And very, very cheerful!

If you're not gettin' it on in the kitchen after this, you were born without hormones.

Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends! I guess I'll see you in 6 weeks when Thanksgiving is over (mind boggling, you fuckers are mind boggling...) and to the rest of you, HERE'S PORN!!!

Photo of the Day

2008-11-25T22:13:00.003-05:00

(source - the best damn blog on the planet! I may be biased, though...)

We Had a Really Hispanic Time, Thank You!

New Blog!

See Ya

I Love Andy's Parties

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Are You There, God? It's Me, Jennifer Margaret...

"Let's Enjoy it While it Lasts"

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Blind Item Reveal

Oooh, 15 Inch Carpet Pounders...

Gone to Settle the Score

How I Spent My Saturday

Caption This!

Throw Another Twat on the Pile

Can it Be?

R.I.P. Wendy Richard

Autistic Son Charged in Death of Professor in Ohio

Caption This!

Don't Bitch to ME About it...

I Wanna Retire From Being a Funny Guy

Please Play a Song for Anyone, Play it Like it Was the Only One...

Fun Site Alert

Caption This!

I'm Not in This Scene...

And Now For Something Lighter...

Anyone Else Find This as Incredibly Offensive as I Do?

Coolest. Baby. Ever.

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Man Arrested in Wife’s Beheading

Mackin' Barack

You Must Have Thought I Was Nothing Without You Boy

ESL Graffiti

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Birthday Mieps

Photo of the Day

Fun Site Alert

Caption This!

Gold Medal Laser Boy!

Well, Clarice - have the lambs stopped screaming?

I Will Do it Till I Know it's Real

Forgive Me For I Have Relapsed...

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This is the Best Part of the Trip, This is the Trip, the...Best Part

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F*ck! What the F*ck is it With You?!

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Photograph - I dont want your, Photograph - I dont need your, Photograph - all I've got is a photograph...

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Let's Get Those Lesbians!

Famous Last Words

Photo of the Day

"There is no such thing as Canadian bacon."

You've Got to Tolerate Some of Those People That You Hate

Fun Site Alert

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No Gnews is Good Gnews!

Today's Discussion

I Love You, Karin...

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Magic and Skylar Sitting in the Tub, K-I-S-S-I-N...erm...

R.I.P. Ricardo Montalban

High Five! I'm Giving You a High Five, Damn it!

Caption This!

Today's Discussion

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R.I.P. Ray Dennis Steckler

Do You Suck Them Very Slowly, Or Crunch Them Very Fast?

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We Wanted You Bad, You Wanted it More

Welcome to 2009 on Hispanic Time! That Rhymes! Wow, What a Time! And...uh...

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Happy New Year Everyone!

Blind Item Reveal: Jessica Alba a Backstabber? NO!

He's a Musician, Too?!

Oh This New Camera is Going to Be Dangerous...

Caption This!

R.I.P. Eartha Kitt

Merry Christmas Mes Amis!

I'll Try to Play the Guitar

Christmas This!

Fck! What the Fck is it With You?!